Side by Side
by HashtagLEH
Summary: It took two weeks before Steve and Bucky were finally able to get away from SHIELD, and it was only because Bucky kicked up a fuss. (Part 3 of Not Without You)


**An earlier draft of this scene had a kiss between the two, but while editing I altered it a bit and I couldn't fit the kiss back in. Oopsie. It wasn't that great of a kiss anyway, so. BUT! There is a hair-kiss and a jaw-kiss, so maybe that can tide you guys over till I can write a scene with a lips-kiss!**

 **…**

It took two weeks before Steve and Bucky were finally able to get away from SHIELD, and it was only because Bucky kicked up a fuss.

They'd obeyed all of their rules, after all. They'd gone to get psych evals, they'd stayed in the building in that time, they'd kept their identities secret from junior agents not in the know, and they'd sat through each of their extensive physicals to make sure they were still healthy after so long being frozen. The point where they drew the line was when the doctors wanted to draw blood, and this was more to keep the serum a secret than it was out of any sort of fear of needles.

After all that, there was really no reason to keep them in SHIELD. Technically, they had no jurisdiction – Howard Stark had helped found SHIELD with Peggy, and had left a fund to keep searching for them even after his death, but that was all. They weren't even considered military anymore – they had technically been released from service in the nineties, after they were finally, officially, declared dead. And because it had taken so long for them to be released, largely due to Howard's insistence, they had a bit of back pay – enough that they could find a place of their own, without SHIELD watching over their shoulders in all of their cameras every hour of the day.

Director Fury had tried to convince them to stay, but Bucky had been the one to tell him to piss off – in only marginally more respectful terms than that. Steve had agreed, and had walked out the doors side by side with Bucky a half hour after Fury had finally – grudgingly – conceded.

It was when they had finally got into their new place that they both relaxed. It had been difficult to keep their relationship a secret the whole time they were out, not knowing when someone might be watching or who it would be. The cameras in every corner were unnerving – made even more so by the knowledge that only private residencies were the only places not wired with them. Even in their apartment, the halls and the elevators had the same cameras watching them at all times, so when the door finally closed behind them, they both breathed a sigh of relief that they were now unmonitored.

"We'll have to go shopping for some more furniture tomorrow," Steve said before Bucky could get a word in. He walked further into the apartment, dropping his bag of clothes that SHIELD had provided on the floor next to the kitchen island. The kitchen/dining room area opened up into the living room and the entryway, and the doors to the rooms were set back against the far side of the apartment.

"I know with the money we have, we'll at least be able to get a couch and a table and chair set," Steve went on. "Agent Coulson said that there would be beds here already – a 'queen sized' one for each of us, whatever that means." He walked over to the doors and opened one of them, peeking into the room. "Bucky, look – they're super big!"

"Made for a queen, I'm assuming?" Bucky said wryly, though he didn't move from where he still stood next to the kitchen island, tracking Steve's movements with a sad but knowing eye.

Steve hummed in agreement. "Probably," he said expressively, and with a last glance into the room, he shut the door behind him, and went further down the small hallway to open another door. "The other room looks the same, even with the big bed. You know, it's a bit odd that they set us up with an apartment that has two bedrooms – don't they know that we're used to sharing an apartment with one room and one bed?" The sound of another door opening reached Bucky's ears. "You know, Buck, I still find it odd that the toilet paper is actually _soft_ now – and that it's so _common_. The one in here is some brand called 'Charmin', and it's even softer than the stuff in the bathrooms at SHIELD."

"Steve, we're not being watched right now," Bucky called to him quietly.

"I know that, Buck. Hm – there's shampoo in the shower already, too. And the towels are in the cabinet underneath the sink – they are _so_ fluffy!"

"Steve," Bucky called again. "It's just me here."

"Yes, love – you said that already," Steve replied, coming out of the bathroom and going into the kitchen to inspect the cupboards there. "Agent Coulson said there would be food here for at least a couple of days until we could go grocery shopping. I'm a bit peckish right now."

"Steve," Bucky said, voice softer as he approached the blond. "You don't have to pretend."

"Not pretending anything, Buck," Steve said breezily, pretending he didn't notice the slight waver in his voice. "There's stuff for spaghetti here – and the sauce is in a jar. It looks like it just has to be warmed up and have meat added. That sound like a good dinner to you?"

" _Steve_ ," Bucky said firmly, though no less gentle than before. " _Stop_."

"I _can't_ stop, Bucky!" Steve finally exclaimed, whirling around to face him. "Because if I _stop_ , then I'm not going to have anything else to focus on! Focusing on these stupid little tasks, figuring out what's for dinner and what furniture we'll need – _that's_ what's getting me through this! Because if I don't do _that_ , then my brain is going to be left open to think about everything we just…about _everything_!"

"You think I'm not _just_ as scared and freaked out?" Bucky shot back. "That _I_ don't think about the possibility that this is all just a dream and we're still just asleep down in the Arctic somewhere? That I expected to _die_ that day with the Red Skull, and that we had so little time together, and my _best friend_ was coming down with me because he's too goddamned stubborn to save himself? And suddenly now we're decades into the future and I'm _not_ completely sure it's a good thing!"

"Stop!" Steve cried, squeezing his eyes shut. "Please, just…I can't…I can't think about it."

Bucky softened at the sight of the vulnerability Steve hated showing, and without a word, he went over to the blond and grabbed him tightly in his arms, enfolding him in a squeezing hug.

"I know, Stevie," he whispered, tears in his voice. "But if there's no one else you know will understand you, I was _there_. You _know_ I will. You don't have to pretend in front of me."

Steve was tense for a long moment, before he let out a shuddering breath and returned the hug tightly. Both their ribs creaked in protest to the hug, but it made their hearts warm with gratitude and love so they didn't ease up in the slightest.

No more words were exchanged, and the proposed spaghetti dinner was forgotten as they silently made their way to the bedroom they'd wordlessly decided to share. The beds were the only furniture in the house to sit on at the moment, so it was logical that they would go to cuddle there. Still in each others' arms, they both fell on top of the blankets, Steve underneath with Bucky tucking himself so that his head was under Steve's chin. The hairs on the top of his head tickled Steve's nose, but he didn't care enough to adjust, pressing his lips to the hair in a soft kiss while his hands scratched soothingly up and down Bucky's back.

"I should be happy, right?" Steve said several minutes later. "We made it – _both_ of us made it. And that's a good thing."

"Is it?" Bucky questioned, echoing his earlier thoughts while tears leaked slowly but steadily into the collar of Steve's shirt.

Steve's hand stilled for a moment before resuming the scratching. "I don't know," he confessed after a long pause. "I was…I was ready to die. I mean, I didn't _want_ to…but I expected to. And now we're…we woke up in a strange place, and I don't…I don't know if it's so much better than _our_ time."

"I know," Bucky said, voice cracking on the last word. A pause as he cleared his throat, before he continued, "I should be happy that we lived, and…I _think_ I am, but. It's – a shock? We were prepared to die, but we just – didn't."

Steve nodded, not saying a word, but his tears slowed at the reassurance that Bucky felt the same as he did, that his feelings were validated and accepted.

A moment later, he let out a slightly wet-sounding laugh. "Look at that. You helped me out better than any of those mandated shrinks at SHIELD."

Bucky smiled a bit, voice wry as he stated, "Well like I said, I do have the benefit of having been in literally the exact same situation as you were. It makes sense that I would understand better. Not to mention that you're my best friend – it's easier for us to talk to each other than to some stranger who wasn't even alive during the war."

"Hm," Steve hummed in agreement.

They were quiet for several long minutes, the silence comfortable as they listened to each other breathe, feeling the rise and fall of each others' chests.

Finally, Steve broke the silence when he tightened his grip slightly around Bucky and pressed a lingering kiss to the top of his head. Keeping his face turned down into the hair, he mumbled, "I'm glad you're here too, Buck."

Bucky felt his heart fill with love, and he turned his face upward slightly to press a gentle kiss to the squared jaw above him. "You too, Steve," he returned, voice a whisper.

That night didn't solve all of their problems, but for just a little while, they helped each other deal with the lingering trauma of the plane crash with whispered reassurances and words of comfort. They both fell asleep there, well after midnight, and when they woke in the morning, their arms were still wrapped around each other, keeping the other safe.

 **...**

 **So besides a kissing scene, does anyone have any requests for scenes they want to see in this universe?**


End file.
